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  • Writer's pictureMakenzie Finks

15 Signs You Are an Extroverted Introvert

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I'm just going to put it out there. 

I have a very conflicting personality that I have struggled with all of my life. 

I still haven't figured it out completely but I am trying because it is just who I am and that is not going to change. I have really been wanting to share how I felt about this piece of myself in case there are others out there like me who have the same struggles. 

I used to hate my personality because I didn't understand it. It was like I was always fighting a contradictory battle inside my head. Because I loved people but at the same time I hated being around a lotof people. It just didn't make sense. I didn't know why I would feel like this and I definitely could never explain it to others because I couldn't even explain it to myself #thestruggle.  This used to make me feel like I was being a bad friend because I would get so uncomfortable in certain situations so I just would avoid them all together when I asked to hangout or that sort of thing. 

Let me give you an example before I give you a list of signs that might mean you're an extroverted introvert. 

Like I mentioned above about feeling like a bad friend. For as long as I can remember, I have preferred one on one interaction. I always have. I would LOVE to just have a sleep over with one friend and when I did I could talk talk talk all night long. I would be filled with energy but then as soon as you made it a sleepover with a group of girls I was the exact opposite. I felt awkward and nervous and I would try to be the same as I would be with just one friend, but I couldn't. Friends would ask if I was fine and I really was, it just was a different situation for me. Then they would be like you just don't seem like yourself. Which then again made me confused, because it was me it was just a different side of me that I didn't know how to control.

As I have gotten older, I have learned why I am like that and let it just sort of happen. So that means turning doing hangouts with lots of people or just being quiet when I am in those situations instead of trying to fake it until I make it (that is only good in certain situations, like a job or volleyball - I remember my volleyball coach always used to say that LOL). It was exhausting for me and made me feel like crap. Now, I know that I just prefer spending time with people I am really interested in and can have deep and meaningful conversations with and that doesn't mean I don't like other people. I just like smaller settings where I can really get to know someone. I can do that all day long!!!!

If this seems like something you relate to, then you my friend are probably an extroverted introvert too. If you like to sit at home in your pj's with one special friend rather than go out to dinner with 6 of them then you are probably an extroverted introvert. And if you still aren't convinced you should check and see if any of the situations below relate to you. Reading these are what made me realize I was one myself!

P.S. Being an extroverted introvert isn't a bad thing it just means that you draw energy from people but not from large groups of people because at times you can get social anxiety. 

First up!

1. We like hanging out 1-1 better than groups. 

Hanging out 1-1 gives us a chance to actually get to know a person and have a thorough conversation instead of making small talk that an entire group can contribute to.

2. We suck at responding to texts because sometimes we don’t want to talk – to anyone.

This is not because we hate you or people or that we are annoyed at all. Sometimes we just need time to decompress. Alone time is key with this personality. 

3. We’re open to meeting your other friends. Just let us know ahead of time that we’ll be meeting new people so we can mentally prepare ourselves to socialize.

We’re not closed off to meeting new people, it’s just a very exhausting thing to do. We love people and can draw energy from others but we just have to prepare ourselves and make sure we are in the right mindset for talking a lot. 

4. Despite needing our alone time, we do get lonely.

It’s difficult to balance between alone time and not feeling lonely. Often we’ll want to go out because we feel alone, but our apartment is so comfortable that we won’t want to leave.

5. It’s hard to get us out, but we’ll have a great time when we go out.

Sometimes we’ll require some coercing to get us out of the house. Again, it’s not that we don’t want to go out, we just start thinking, “What if it’s not fun? I could totally be reading my book. What if the tickets are sold out? What if they don’t actually want me to go and they’re just inviting me to be nice? We begin to draw into our own heads and make up things that could go wrong and use them as excuses to not go out.

6. We’ll happily chat up your parents/friends/girlfriend/boyfriend/boss/etc., but once it’s over, we require silence.

After so much talking, we really need to recharge.

7. We’re not always the most talkative people in a group, but if someone is in need of a social life jacket, we can step up and offer that.

Again, we’ll happily chat someone up if the situation arises. We are good at holding conversation and are very capable of talking to anyone and everyone but it just doesn't always give us energy but draws energy from us.

8. We live in our heads even if it seems like we put ourselves out there.

Even when we’re being outgoing, our thoughts are still running and analyzing the situation.

9. Because we can be outgoing and calculated at the same time, sometimes we end up being leaders.

But that does not mean we want praise, nor do we want to talk about how great we are. People seem to think that we’re fit to be leaders. We can stand up and talk in front of crowds when we need to. We can make decisions when we need to. But we often analyze ourselves and don’t think highly of our skill sets. Sometimes we don’t believe we’re good enough to lead. We always think we can be better so praise often makes us cringe.

10. People think we’re flirtatious. We’re not.

We understand that interacting with people is a necessary part of life. So we make an effort to do it intentionally, and genuinely want people to know that they have our undivided interest and attention.

11. We get mad at ourselves for wanting to stay in and letting our friends down.

Which is why we sometimes force ourselves to go out. To let our friends know that we enjoy spending time with them, not because we want to be out. 

12. We have a constant inner struggle of controlling our introverted side.

It’s frustrating because we’ll realize when we start withdrawing into our own minds and become extremely introspective. It happens when we’re in really big crowds. And the only thought is, “Oh no, it’s happening. No. I have to talk to someone now. But it’s so difficult. No. Yes, you have to talk or else you’re going to end up in your head for the rest of the night.”

13. We really don’t like small talk.

We’d avoid small talk if we could. We want to really get to know you. We want to know what you think about, what your goals are, what your family is like. We don’t want to talk about how bad the weather is. But if that’s what you’re comfortable talking about, then we’ll talk about it.

14. We don’t actually have a staple “group” of friends.

We often pick and choose one or two individuals from different social groups that make up our closest friends. But we make this handful of best friends in our life and we’d do anything for them.

15. And just because we like being around people doesn’t mean we want to talk.

Talking requires a lot of effort. For us, being around people is often enough to make us happy. I know, it’s a little confusing.


And there ya have it. What it means to be an extroverted introvert. It's helpful to remember that being introverted or extroverted doesn't mean you're completely one or the other. These personality traits exist on a continuum. So we could all be extroverted introverts at times. 

It is confusing. It is frustrating. But it is also me. And I love who I am, so I have come to love this part of myself as well. We care deeply. We like to really get to know people and that's great. Overall, just always remember to be kind to yourself because you are doing the best that you can!

Have you ever experienced any of this in your life? I'd love to chat more if you'd like. Just send me an email (: 



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