Does anyone else ever have the problem of being so frustrated with someone or something that they want to scream... but know in their head that they don't want to come across like a rude, arrogant [insert any other descriptive word you can think of] brat, (I want to be that well behaved, well mannered girl who is always kind and in that kindness finds a sense of freedom; kinda like Cinderella, "Have Courage be Kind") Anyone with me??
No? Maybe that's just me and my love for fairy tales. I know they aren't real but sometimes I sure wish they were.
Well, that's how I feel. And honestly, I think there is some truth to that. I think that if you can choose to let go of something that makes you so angry or hurt or upset then you are allowing yourself to be free. I read a book a few months ago called, "Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change". I picked it up on one of my usual Barnes & Noble runs and decided it was exactly what I needed since I was also going through some uncertainty and change.
(Praise all things good for Barnes & Noble!!!)
Within the first chapter and yes, I said first, that's how good this book is and you should go out and buy it right now, I read a passage that talked about how we all have this "fixed-identity". It is basically how you see yourself, and when anyone tells you something that doesn't fit into your fixed-identity you can't hear it, see it, or believe it no matter how true it may be. Even if it's something positive we still can't take it in! It is a way for us to put solid ground under our feet in an ever-shifting, ever-changing world.
Further in, I learned that once you have a fixed idea of, "this is me", then we see everything as either a threat or a promise-- or something we could care less about. Regardless of what it is, we are either attracted to it or repelled based on our fixed-identity. Which in reality is FALSE SECURITY.
We filter all of our experiences through this perspective. When we like someone, it's because they make us feel warm and happy inside. They don't challenge who we are or rather how we SEE ourselves, on our fixed-identity. When we don't like someone-- they're not on our wavelength, they make us feel bad inside or we won't want to hangout with them and that's because they CHALLENGE our fixed-identity.
The best line for me was, "They make us uncomfortable in their presence because they don't confirm us in the ways we want to be confirmed, so we can't function in the ways that we want to function."
And that is just that. These people or things that make us want to scream inside are because they are challenging us. We aren't awakened and disciplined enough to realize that we have to take it for what is it worth. We can't just believe we are good because we think we are. And we cannot, not realize that we may be in the wrong just because it isn't how we see ourselves. I learned that our enemies or obstacles are actually our greatest teachers: special messengers who show up just when we need them, to point out our fixed identity.
If we have a fixed-identity we will never be able to truly grow and develop into a stronger, smarter or more personally aware human being. We have to realize that we aren't always a picture perfect person that we may sometimes see ourselves as. We have faults and strengths and weakness but they can all be put into better perspectives if we allow our fixed-identity to take in reality and to not put up walls to the people who challenge us.
We will be softer and kinder and happier once we do this because we aren't fighting against the ever-changing world. We are embracing uncertainty and accepting the challenge.
Yes, I know... it is easier said than done, but we can at least try right?
Best of luck!
-xo