• Makenzie Finks

MY LOVE PART 1

I am here today to share some thoughts on a pain that has overtaken my heart lately. These are the thoughts that have been consuming my mind for months and recently, as the time is ticking down, it is more than consuming. It is an intense, engrossing experience.



In a few short weeks, my boyfriend and I will be starting out on our journey on a long distance relationship. This is seriously the hardest thing to come to terms with let alone even write about it because I have already started crying, but my babes said I should write about my thoughts before and after and see if it is as awful, horrible, and terrifying as I am making myself think it is. And if it is... (everyone should run and scream and never think about a long distance relationship, ever again) No! I'm kidding haha. What I actually hope is that I can help some of you out there to at least be able to breathe through it all.


Why did I say breathe? I am being dramatic in saying that I actually can't breathe? Trust me, I'm not. And if you ever have to go through this experience you will know EXACTLY what I'm talking about.


Breathing is honestly sometimes the hardest part. Recently, I have felt like my breath has been taken out of me. I suffocate in the words of anything spoken about distance, school, and future. It is THE most gut wrenching feeling and most times I can't seem to shake it. I have taken to journaling it out or in this case now blogging for the world to see and also reading others testimonials about how they survived their long distance time and the tips they can offer me.


It helps, a little. But I will not lie and tell you that it makes me all of a sudden feel better inside and believe that it will all be well; because that is just not the case.


I guess I should give a little background about the one who has completely and irrevocably stolen my heart and then maybe you can understand where I am coming from.


My love story starts out like most where I didn't give him the time of day at first, or even second, and unfortunately not even the third time (he never lets me forget this either, but I guess that's what I deserve) until he basically gave me an ultimatum {Best Ultimatum Of My Life}. But gosh dang it, that's how I knew it was real because talk about dedication, am I right?!?!? Once I finally said yes to hanging out and opened myself up to him, I fell hard. I love spending every moment with this boy. He honestly never ceases to make me feel loved, appreciated, intelligent, and strong. He admires me for me and pushes me to always do better. What more could a girl ask for? Peter surprises me daily with how he can do such a small gesture and make my heart jump in a huge way.


Example:One morning, a few days ago, I walked out into the living room to get something out of the refrigerator and he jumps up from the computer desk that is located in the living room and runs over and grabs me from behind and kisses my cheek *heart still won't stop fluttering*.


I will forever cherish how he wipes away every tear, how he pulls me close and holds me tight, how he opens doors for me, and how he tickles me against my will that leaves us laughing for hours. He is my best friend. He challenges me to think differently and tells me things straight up (sometimes its a little too blunt and I have to remind him that I need things stated to me in nicer terms because yes, I watch way to many Disney movies and my reality is a little distorted). But even with that, he knows how delicate I am and he works around it. He reminds me of our future and reassures me everything will workout in the end.


This is the only promise and words that I love hearing when it comes to this distance thing because I know it is true. I know that we are meant for each other. He is my other half, my soulmate, the one God created just for me. I am not worried about the love we share or how things will play out. I've pictured every piece of our future and let me tell you there is no way that it could be any better. What I am worried about is just the hurt my heart is going  to feel when he isn't there late at night. I am worried about the days he might be struggling and needs a friend and I will be miles and miles away. I am worried about the simple, everyday moments of each others lives that he and I will miss out on. These are the thoughts and concerns that consume me on a regular basis.


We are forever. My love for him is forever. Because honestly, I love him with a love that I didn't even know was possible. 


With that, these are my pre long distance relationship thoughts and trust me there will be more about how things are going, what makes me mad, what makes me sad, what works & doesn't, and for the best one ever.....


WHEN IT IS FINALLY OVER!!!!! *seriously crying from happy tears just thinking about getting to be with my boy everyday again*


I love you Peter Edward Piers Jr. <3

-xo

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